you know, there’s been a lot of days lately where i’ve prayed, but i feel like i’m just praying to the air. do you know that feeling? Where you feel like there’s no one on the other side of that prayer listening? Thats been my life for the past few weeks. I’m feeling VERY worn out. I feel like God is stretching me, and i’ve asked to be broken, and i definately feel like i am. But i feel like that process is taking a very long time and it is taking all of my energy away from me. I guess its a good thing, and i’m wrestling with God about it, but its been rejuvenating at the same time…
well back to the talking to the air. Last night Brandon and I got in a tiff, if you can even call it that. I was bumbed that we werent going to hang out after Fuse, and that especially since school is going to start next week we’re not going to have time for eachother, or it will be few and far between… he got upset that i was making a big deal out of one night and i was hurt that he wasnt understanding me. usually in these situations i call him back after praying about it and apologize for being a selfish brat and that he just needs to understand my pains…
ok so he leaves the Chapel after we’ve had this little discuscion (i dont think thats spelled write, but oh well) and i probably should leave, but i wanted to pray, and i didnt want to do it while driving, just in case i start crying. So i ‘m sitting there in the parking lot, asking God if this is a sign of a big thing that needs to change, or if its something that isnt going to change and i need to decided if this is something i can deal with forever… So i told God that i’m wasnt giong to call brandon and apologize but i was going to wait and see if Brandon did at all and that i wasnt giong to make any advancements at all toward Brandon, but i was totally going to wait on him to do all of that. I swore that I wouldnt call him at all and then “we’ll see what happens…” literally 2 seconds after i said that Brandon pulled back next to my car and told me to get out, gave me a BIG hug, and apologized for gettting upset. How’s that for a quick answering God… It was amazing…
there has never been a time where God hasnt shown Brandon and I something about his character when we slip up or get upset… He’s faithful to show us how he’s going to work in our situation.
So if you’re feeling like God’s not there and like he’s not answering your prayers, or that he’s not even listening to them, take a minute to look back on your life, and back into the Bible, and see how faithful he’s been generation after generation.
My last post had verses from Lamentation. When Brandon and I were in NC I read through that book, and i would challenge anyone who is feeling left in the dark to read it. Its all about how God has turned his face from Israel because of their wickedness, but after a time he will return and gather them in his arms… Hosea says “you have called me master, but call me friend” (side note: acres of hope by Shane and Shane is all about Hosea, read that too!)
Be encouraged that God isnt far away at all… maybe we’re not listening for him or maybe we havent surrendered fully to him. If we still think that we can do something about where we are then we’re fooled and God wants us to be so broken that we know that we have no strength and he can come and rescue us and we’ll know that its all him!
OK wow that was a long post, but i hope that my revelation will help some of you!
2 thoughts on “”
Hey- I read that was definetely encouraged. I think I’m in the same spot that you are right now….it’s hard to see Him in a tangible, definite way right now, but I know that He’s further gloified through that, and that He will eventually put an end to this “wilderness” going on right now. I like this new xanga. I like honestly knowing about what’s going on in your walk with God. A lot of times we don’t like to specify or get into where we are with God because we don’t want to be vulnerable, but it’s unbelievably worth it to share. Because through it, so many people are touched and encouraged, and challenged. So thanks for sharing and being vulnerable!
erica!!!! you’re amazing, girly! i really miss you. i sent you an e-mail, but i’m not sure if you got it ’cause charlie said something about you being bummed that i hadn’t called or talked to you or something crazy like that. so, check your e-mail!! if you didn’t get it, then i can either re-send it or give you a call or something. i really do miss seeing you.
now, about this post-UH-mazing! God is so great! i really feel uplifted by what you’ve written. sometimes i feel like i am praying to the air and that he can’t really be listening to me. i mean, i’m just a small human, right? why would he care about my petty problems? but he does! i know he does, but sometimes i can’t feel it. anyway, it’s SO awesome to hear how he’s working with you and also with you and brandon together. you are an inspiration to me, i hope you know that. i just love ya girl!
also, i’ve subscribed to your site, so i love you! now, stop your crying and get going agian! i’ll talk to you later!
bye bye for now!!!!! ~rai