So, Thursday on my way to work, I decided to try listening to the Word, as a great friend recommended. And I’ve got to say that while I’m a person who loves to underline and take notes as I read, it was great to just have the Word spoken over me.
First I started in Psalm 139:
You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
I’ve read that Psalm countless times. I’ve had it read over me in church growing up. There are songs that go along with that chapter. But this morning it hit me in a new way.
I’ve really been struggling with being me with the Lord. Feeling as though I need to be this perfect person, akin to the idealistic, unrealistic Christian. I know who I am in the Lord, I know who He wants me to be, but somewhere in the midst of life, and comparisons, I feel like I don’t measure up to the woman I’m supposed to be.
So, as I listened to that verse this morning, I felt like the Holy Spirit was whispering to me,
Erica, I know you. I know how I’ve made you. I know your weaknesses, and your undisciplined aspects, and I know that you strive and yearn to be like me. But don’t forget, dear daughter, that I know you. I created you with all of the quirks, and bumps and bruises that you now find about you. And I see them as beautiful marks that make you you. You are not that other person that you idealize. You are not a girl who loves getting up in the morning. You are not a girl who keeps her nose pinned to a book. You are a woman who lives life and loves it. So, don’t begin comparing yourself to someone who I’ve not called you to be.
That was so freeing for me. Just realizing that my Savior knows me, believes in me, and wants me to be confident in Him and Him alone.
Then I began listening to Luke chapter 1, an Angel comes to Zechariah and tell him that he will bare a son. Zechariah is astonished and unbelieving because in all reality it is impossible for he and his wife, Rebekah, to bear children. I don’t fault him for being skeptical, it didn’t look possible… But then he did have an angel standing before him. So, because of his doubt the angel told him he wouldn’t be able to speak until the day came that Zechariah would have a son.
Fast forward 10 months for the pregnancy, then another 8 til the baby was circumcised; the whole family went back to the temple to dedicate and circumcise the baby and when it came time to officially name him, the priests recommended a family name, and Zechariah stood up, requested a tablet, and wrote “His name shall be John.” And immediately his mouth was opened, he could speak again, and he began praising God for this miraculous blessing.
So my thought with this was, what is it in your life about which you’ve disagreed with God? Like Zechariah, maybe God has shut your mouth, or limited your communication, or even shut down some things in your life you’ve wanted to accomplish because you haven’t been doing what he’s asked you to. Because once Zechariah did agree with God and call his son the name God has given him, he was loosed. Chains were broken off his mouth, he was able to praise freely, and go about his work in the temple again.
So think and pray about that, as I am… Are there places in your life where you’ve determined that what God said wasn’t true and couldn’t be true? And now you’re walking in a season of muteness?
Agree with God. Walk in His truth, even if it seems impossible. We have a God who parted seas, made water flow from a rock, provided manna in a desert, made just a little oil and flour last for a whole drought, rose Christ from the grave after conquering death. He is more than capable to do what He’s told you He will do, and when you partner with Him in that truth He can accomplish it and loose things in you so you may be more fruitful.